I’m right now sitting in the playroom listening to my mother try and fail at singing Madonna’s Human Nature. I’m a little bored. I have so many things I’d rather be doing.

Today I watched The Perfect Man. And watching Hilary, or Holly, type out her life on a blog, made me want to keep writing here.

Update on my eating disorder. I’ve lost over 70 lbs. and am now 257 lbs. Life couldn’t be better. But I feel that something else has caused me to lose this much weight so fast. That’s more than 10 lbs a month, and I don’t think I did enough to make it happen so fast. I don’t know.
On tuesday I have my  appointment with the  thyroid doctor, and then I get to find out if I am sick or not. Yay.

I’ll be back later to update on everything. My life, my body, my mental state at the moment. Everything. Over and out.

This fucking rules.

I’ve been able to keep my intake at or around 400 cals for about a week now. I exercise twice a day and take my vitamins so I don’t lose any important nutrients. This has been the best week ever! I’m so happy….my pants are starting to fall off easier.

It has taken me forever to get this going, and now it’s finally happening. I can’t believe it.

I have to go, but Stay Strong girls!!! Good Luck! <3

I’ve kept my intake for yesterday under 500 cals, and today I’m keeping it at 400 cals. Isn’t that amazing?
I’m able to control myself and I feel good about that. I just wonder how long it’ll be until I actually lose any of this weight? Do any of you know what I mean? Like how long before I realize I’m getting smaller?

 These two girls in my first hour want to sneak me out of my house so I can actually have a life. I told them all about how I’m never allowed to do anything and they said that needs to change.
I agree one hundred percent. Just gotta find a time for me to sneak out, ya know?

I didn’t exactly binge this weekend, but I wanted to purge my dinner last night. I couldn’t though, my parents were watching me for some reason.

I went out for a run this morning. Went farther than I ever have, and I pushed myself, even though my breathing hurt. I don’t care. Anything to burn burn burn this fat.

I had 90 cals for bfast, and about 100 for lunch. So that keeps me in the low range. <3 go me.
when I get home, I’m not eating anything but an apple. And then maybe some dinner, even though i don’t want to. But my mom will make me.

Now, this is the funny part. If you saw me right now, you’d never think I’m ana/mia, but I am. My mom thinks I’m not eating enough, even knowing I’m about 300 lbs. Fucked up, right? exactly…She says, you don’t eat much lisa, I never see you eat. I’m thinking, well damn, if I didn’t eat, I wouldn’t be so damn FAT.

I feel sorry for her. She’s blind to all of this. But who cares…

I might get my nails done soon. Gels, =] I love those so much.

I haven’t written here in awhile. I had a bad week starting last week, lol. But now it’s all good. That’ll teach me not to talk to him on the weekends…he’s my life, and this proves it even more to me now.
I binged last weekend, and purged about 3 different times. But I’m starting to gain control over my binging to alleviate the purging effects. I don’t want to hurt myself more than I already have.

I need to get my tooth pulled. ASAP. Baby tooth, impacted, and it bleeds everytime I brush. >.<

I got back on the proana wagon I started driving, and I’ve been doing better than ever. Yesterday I stayed under 800 cals. And I only had a big bowl of salad for dinner =) Better than ever…
 Today I’ve had 400 cals already. (est) I know I’ll have to resist all the cravings I have when I get home…that’ll be hard. I had a mental war with pizza yesterday…I actually took the box out and talked myself into finally putting it back. =]] You have no idea how much I love this control.

Plan for ex. this weekend? hour walk/run both mornings.

I’m also starting to study paganism. I want to be wiccan. And one of the things that wiccans make sure to do is diet and exercise to keep the body in good shape. =] I’m so going to dedicate myself to that.

Later girls. Stay Strong!

I signed an online petition today to stop the hate against pro ana communities. If you want to, you can go sign every one of them, by googling online petitions pro ana. The URl will have something about petitons online or something like that.

My intake today? Very good. Have to go, bell rang. Update laters <3

before I rant. Intake=great! Go me, lol.

Now the rant >.<

I’ve heard waaay too much about how everyone’s hating the pro-ana sites out there. I for one am in favor of them. Not only because I am pro ana, but also because it shouldn’t be anyone else’s business how we live our lives. It’s a free country. Why are they trying to dumb us down and ruin our will power??
I’m absolutely disgusted by all the negativity put towards any and all Pro ed pro ana sites. It’s our life! Let us effing live it!!

I’ll be back tomorrow to update. I promise my intake will not break 400 before dinner. And I’m cooking dinner, so it’ll be healthy. Something very yummy <3.

Over and out. Stay strong!!

My intake so far.

b=90 cal. special k bar (vitamin and aleve….yeah cramps.)
l=half a raisin and oatmeal bar from quaker ~ 45 ish cals. (two pieces of gum=7 cals =] sugar free trident kind)
d=tba

Didn’t get up for a walk, well I did, but I felt like complete shit.
and besides, I’m having my monthly doom, so yeah, I feel even more like shit.
Lots of water, so far.

You know I’ve never heard my stomach growl? It sounds like….nothing I’ve ever heard before. And I’m learning to love it. that feeling of emptiness inside of me. I absolutely indulge in it….it’s great =D
whenever my stomach growls I tell myself that this is me in control. this is self discipline, this is my goal, my future. And I tell it to shut its self up, and I go back to whatever it was that I was doing.

you know what else I love? The fact that my breakfasts used to be around 600 some cals or more way back. And now I’m dropping them to under 100?? I love it. I absolutely love it.

What I’m wondering now is, why did it take me so long to gain this control? Did all of you go through a rocky road before you were able to officially control your restrictions and ignore the hunger? Because it took me a month…a friggin month. But I’m just happy that I’ve finally gained control.

This weekend, me and my sis are going to go to the bike trail. If any of you knew or me, and if I could trust you, I’d say meet us there. But alas, no can do.
And we’ll also be running this weekend, don’t know how much, but we will. =]

Stay strong girls!

Ok, intake so far today.

Special K breakfast bar for breakfast >.<

about 5 multigrain chips and a half a slice marble pound cake. Or less than half, dunno. it was really small.

And then one piece of trident gum. I know for sure the gum and bfast bar add up to 93 and a half cals. The chips and cake? no clue. But I know I’m still under 500 cals today. Way under in fact <3
I hope that come dinner time I don’t screw up my intake. And that when I get home I don’t pig out. I hate it when I do =[

My outtake so far? I don't know...walking to the bus stop, walking up and down stairs in school, sometimes speedwalking, I have to walk to and from the elementary school to pick up my sisters, and that's about a block or two...no clue really. I'll try to wake up tomorrow and get some walking in, or a little bit of my aerobics tape. It all depends really on how much sleep I get, because I NEED sleep like the air I breather.

You know what sucks? When your mp3 player dies on you. Mine's about to, the battery's almost completely empty, there's not even a quarter of the bar left....it's empty lol.

See you all later, and Stay Strong girls! Today is the first day I have felt COMPLETELY in control. Wish me luck =]

Hi. Some of you may know me, some of you may not. Do I care? Probably not. Should I? No. Simple enough.

I will not put my complete name, but you can all call me Lisa, if you’d like. Or call me nothing at all, whichever you find suits you best or me for that matter, best.

I am not anorexic, or bulimic, but I do restrict calories, attempt fasts, and on random occasions, indulge in the feeling of my stomach rumbling. That empty, empty, feeling. I do love it sometimes. It tells me I am in control. I don’t need food. I need to learn how to rule my body and my mind and in a sense undo all the brainwashing since early on.

Since I was a child, food was something I could always get my hands on. Candy, soda, greasy meals my parents cooked, high fat, high calorie school lunches, fatty breakfast foods, everything. You name it, my parents bought it, and I in the end ate it. And since early on, I was taught to never leave my plate until it was EMPTY. Yes, fucking empty. So no wonder I’m this way now.

Oh, and to add to that, and to answer any questions you might have, no I never really got any exercise. I never had a bike for some fucked up reason. I was never allowed to play outside or have friends over, or go to the park. I was always inside. Doing nothing but eating and reading. So aside from retaining one hell of a developed reading comprehension level, I also retained body fat. Shit loads of it. Since I was born. Yeah, I’ve always been fat, and no one tried to help me. No one.

This isn’t my fault, though many believe it to be. I don’t care anymore though. Fuck everyone who thinks I willingly did this to myself. I still to this day do not know what made me realize how horrible I was. But whatever it was, I thank god for it.

I’ve started off by not drinking soda. AT ALL. NONE.

Only water =]

Next, less fat, less cals. I try aiming for below 1000, but usually I end up hitting below 2000. Better than I’ve ever eaten in my life, but I know I need to kick this up a notch.

I try to exercise. I have a few ex. tapes, and I try my best to make it outside in the morning to get some outtake in. Does some good, no?

I don’t think there’s anything else that I need to write here at the moment. I do need to get to bed at the moment. I’ll only get 6 hours, if I let myself, or only 5 if I make myself have a run. I’ll try 5 am first, if I’m too tired, it’s back to bed until 6. But I think I should force myself to get out at 5. I need a shower, and a run, and to perfect my self-discipline.

If any of you have a Zune, I’m Love you to the bones if you have your wireless on, k?

Peace.