Ok. First post. Oh joy. Lets hope school doesn’t block this blog site.
Hi. Some of you may know me, some of you may not. Do I care? Probably not. Should I? No. Simple enough.
I will not put my complete name, but you can all call me Lisa, if you’d like. Or call me nothing at all, whichever you find suits you best or me for that matter, best.
I am not anorexic, or bulimic, but I do restrict calories, attempt fasts, and on random occasions, indulge in the feeling of my stomach rumbling. That empty, empty, feeling. I do love it sometimes. It tells me I am in control. I don’t need food. I need to learn how to rule my body and my mind and in a sense undo all the brainwashing since early on.
Since I was a child, food was something I could always get my hands on. Candy, soda, greasy meals my parents cooked, high fat, high calorie school lunches, fatty breakfast foods, everything. You name it, my parents bought it, and I in the end ate it. And since early on, I was taught to never leave my plate until it was EMPTY. Yes, fucking empty. So no wonder I’m this way now.
Oh, and to add to that, and to answer any questions you might have, no I never really got any exercise. I never had a bike for some fucked up reason. I was never allowed to play outside or have friends over, or go to the park. I was always inside. Doing nothing but eating and reading. So aside from retaining one hell of a developed reading comprehension level, I also retained body fat. Shit loads of it. Since I was born. Yeah, I’ve always been fat, and no one tried to help me. No one.
This isn’t my fault, though many believe it to be. I don’t care anymore though. Fuck everyone who thinks I willingly did this to myself. I still to this day do not know what made me realize how horrible I was. But whatever it was, I thank god for it.
I’ve started off by not drinking soda. AT ALL. NONE.
Only water =]
Next, less fat, less cals. I try aiming for below 1000, but usually I end up hitting below 2000. Better than I’ve ever eaten in my life, but I know I need to kick this up a notch.
I try to exercise. I have a few ex. tapes, and I try my best to make it outside in the morning to get some outtake in. Does some good, no?
I don’t think there’s anything else that I need to write here at the moment. I do need to get to bed at the moment. I’ll only get 6 hours, if I let myself, or only 5 if I make myself have a run. I’ll try 5 am first, if I’m too tired, it’s back to bed until 6. But I think I should force myself to get out at 5. I need a shower, and a run, and to perfect my self-discipline.
If any of you have a Zune, I’m Love you to the bones if you have your wireless on, k?
Peace.